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Journal · Ideas · 8 min read

50 things people do with a person who does nothing

The most common question about renting a person who does nothing is "…but what would I do with them?" The answer is: whatever you were going to skip because you had no one to go with. Fifty examples, grouped by the feeling behind them.

Published 20 September 2026 · By the Nothing team · Every item below is strictly platonic, in a public place, and within the rules.

"I'd go if someone came with me"

1. Eat at the restaurant you keep walking past. A table for two is a very different experience from a table for one.
2. Go to the cinema on a weekday afternoon. The seat next to you, filled. No commentary.
3. Visit the museum exhibition before it closes. Wander at your own pace with someone wandering at yours.
4. Try the new café. Order what you like. Sit as long as you like.
5. Go to a gig you'd otherwise talk yourself out of. Ticketed venue, public, you cover the ticket.
6. Walk the long way home through the park.
7. Go to the food market on Saturday. Someone to hold the second thing you bought.
8. Sit on a bench by the water and watch boats. Marina, riverside, corniche, seafront.
9. Attend a free public lecture or talk. Arriving with someone makes the room easier.
10. Go to the football/cricket/baseball when your usual crowd can't make it.

"I need someone to wait with me"

11. The dentist's waiting room. Presence, then a wave when you're called.
12. The hospital outpatient queue. A Nothing sits with you in the public waiting area. (They aren't a carer, and they can't come into appointments — but the wait is the hard part anyway.)
13. The passport office.
14. The airport, before a flight you're nervous about. Coffee, gate, goodbye.
15. The DMV / DVLA / RTA. Every country has one. Every one is better with company.
16. Results day. Exam results, test results, any results. Someone next to you when you open the envelope.
17. A queue for something you actually want — a product launch, a bakery, a ticket release.
18. Waiting for a phone call you're dreading. In a café, with a Nothing across the table.
19. Waiting for someone else's train to arrive.
20. Waiting for the rain to stop.

"I need a plus-one"

21. A wedding you RSVP'd "+1" to and now regret. Public venue, platonic, you cover the invitation.
22. A work event where everyone brought someone.
23. A school reunion. Someone to stand with while you decide whether to talk to anyone.
24. A gallery opening.
25. A friend's stand-up gig with a two-drink minimum and no one to go with.
26. A cousin's engagement party in a hotel ballroom.
27. A networking evening where arriving alone makes you turn around at the door.
28. A festival day. Public, ticketed, all-day: "A Whole Lot of Nothing" was made for this.
29. The office Christmas / Eid / Diwali party.
30. A book launch.

"I need to be witnessed"

31. Finish a run, a race, a swim — with someone at the line. One of Shoji Morimoto's most-told bookings.
32. Walk to an office to hand in paperwork you've been avoiding. Divorce papers, resignation letters, visa forms.
33. Play your first open-mic song to a room that includes at least one person who came for you.
34. Say something out loud that you've never said out loud. To someone who won't advise, judge or repeat it.
35. Celebrate a small win nobody else would understand. A cake, two forks, a Nothing.
36. Mark an anniversary you don't want to spend alone but don't want to explain.
37. Post the thing / send the email / press the button with someone sitting there so you actually do it.
38. Visit a place that used to matter — an old school, a first flat, a bench.
39. Try on the outfit in public before the day you'll wear it.
40. Read the letter.

"I just want a body in the room"

41. Body-doubling for work. Sit in a café; a Nothing sits across from you; you finally do the task. People with ADHD have known about this trick for years.
42. Study session at the library café. Presence, no chat.
43. A long walk with no destination and no need to talk.
44. People-watching in a square.
45. Sunday morning coffee and the newspaper — two people, two papers, zero conversation.
46. A slow lap of a mall in the afternoon lull.
47. The last hour before a big decision. Not to discuss it. Just so you're not alone with it.
48. Watching the sun go down from somewhere public and high up.
49. A train ride to the end of the line and back.
50. Nothing at all. A bench, an hour, two people, the sky. Honestly, this is the one most people come back for.

What none of these are

None of the fifty involve chores, care, advice, a private home, or anything romantic. That isn't a limitation of the idea — it's the whole idea. A Nothing is valuable precisely because they want nothing from you and you can want nothing from them. Here's why that works.